Are you actually happy with your decisions or is it that you are more comfortable with them than you would be risking different decisions (that could lead you to greater happiness)? It’s difficult to face sometimes but there is an enormous difference between the two.
Two days ago I made a post on my social media accounts about trusting that the sun is always there even when we can’t see it. Now I have to put my money where my mouth is.
This post is much more personal than most of what I publish. It deals with family relationships so if this topic is a trigger for you, mosey on along.
On Monday I found myself with an unpleasant choice. I could give in to what I felt was not only an invasion of privacy but was also censorship on a personal level. My other option was abandoning my hope of establishing a real relationship with some relatives who are very dear to me but have not yet reached their majority. It’s an issue I have been wrestling with and mostly dodging for a number of years.
Continuing to dodge the issue no longer felt like an option. Giving in definitely felt the most comfortable. It didn’t feel good, but it felt familiar. My nature is to soothe out difficulties and to please people and try to make them “happy” regardless of my personal cost. It has only been in the last year or so that I have been learning how to set boundaries and hold them. Sometimes it is easier than others and this was definitely not one of the easy times.
Ultimately I chose to wait until I can communicate directly and freely with the relatives in question, even though it will be quite a while before that happens. It was an incredibly painful decision, but one which will afford everyone involved to make their own decisions. At risk is the very real possibility these precious people will not want to be a part of my life after I have been absent from theirs for so many years. This thought left me feeling very much as though the sun had been blotted from the sky.
Being comfortable isn’t the same thing as being happy. Though I feel sad in this moment, I finally realized I could never truly be happy if I sacrificed my principles and gave in to something that felt uncomfortably like being bullied by the person who holds all the cards.
When moments like this arise, it is of paramount importance not to sacrifice your true happiness for comfort and the empty illusion of happiness. These decisions are often extremely uncomfortable — but your comfort zone doesn’t propel you to happiness. It doesn’t propel you anywhere. It wants you to stay right exactly where you are, experiencing what you have always experienced because it feels safe and familiar.
I chose to move in the direction of authentic happiness. Though it felt like the sun was covered with storm clouds, I made my choice from the core of my being and my belief in what is right and what is wrong. I may not have done a lot of smiling during this process, but I did a lot of growing.
And the sun, well it’s really always there. Always.
Brightest blessings, my people!